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ou tta no where

SHAHIRAH SHAJAHAN.
SairahSelvam..
I remember too much.
And forget too little.

I f a n t a s i z e h e a v e n a n d p a i n t i n g s.

G O D I S G R E A T.


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Thursday, February 9, 2012 { what i really am. }




Sometimes i wish i can just go back to yesteryear and remove any existent feelings of mine towards you. remove every memory i have of you. wherever, whenever, whatever. it just sucks to know that i have to live everyday of this life knowing that i did have this not really teeny weeny crush on you. maybe even more than a crush. because from this day on, i, really let go. i have stopped trying. caring. believing. because it will never happen. for sure, i know. no chemistry. no interest shown. so why do i bother wasting my time over you? why should i care about everything you do, when you do it, what you're doing, when you don't even know more than my last name, to say the least. i'm just wasting space and time for someone who doesn't give one shit or less. i believe, InsyaAllah, i deserve much better than you. so yes. hopefully from now on we can start off as just mere friends. just, friends. that is all.
Ok so peace be upon all still breathing and not sleeping yet. i am going to anytime soon.and i should start being happy. for myself. yes, i choose to be selfish now. i want to please myself. before trying to please others. InsyaAllah i'll be less self-sufficient to actually make others happy though i'm not. God's will. i don't know. i don't know what i'm feeling right now. i can't believe i liked you that much. to the extent of.. well forget it. it's all behind me now. now only one thing is on my mind. benjamin madden. hehe. and wow it actually has been days since i last saw my dad cause every time i come home from work he'll already be asleep and when i wake up for work he's already gone. So Alhamdulillah i get to see him today thanks 518 for not cheating my feelings today. in fact, i got home early today. earlier than the train would've took me. i have so much to say [as always] but i don't know how to write it out. and really, i haven't got you out of my mind. this is not the same you as mentioned. this is you. gerbil named. hehe. see you tomorrow or rather in a few hours. i shall stop feeling too much for you this time. but it's a bit difficult but i'll try my best. or maybe you're meant to stay. hmm. well, i shall end here for now. Good morning benjamin madden my love and early morning mgds.

sairah.