Wednesday, February 22, 2012
{ be here. }
You know you are in love with a girl when you don't even think about fucking her. You know you're in love with a guy when you think about having sex with him.
You know you are in love with a girl when you don't even think about fucking her. You know you're in love with a guy when you think about having sex with him.
the fuck is wrong with me right now. goodnight misconstrued over-thought gestures apprehending nature after demanding hassles and side steps.
sairah.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
{ losing control. }
" Don't change because someone wants you too. Change because you want to. If you have to change for someone then they aren't worth it. The ones that don't want you to change accepts you for who you are and are worth your time."
Peace be upon all humans of Allah s.w.t. I was expecting my hair to turn out like the one above but it didn't. But i like my hair now. it's a bit too freaken curly but i like it. i'm back to my original hair. no more rebonding or straightening. All i can do now is wait for it to grow long again. truth is by the time it's long as i desire, you'll be gone.. but it's ok. i'll just make the most out of it. And now i know where they stand. and where you, you and especially you, stand. just from a haircut i know the real ones the not so. Alhamdulillah. and you, seriously. i don't know what i am to do about it. i really don't. i know i can't have you, i know this is all that we can ever be, but you're making it difficult for me with these things. I'll try to lessen my expectations so as to lessen my chances of disappointment. but all i know is you're not just a senior, not just another friend. you're so much more but i can't really seem to put to words how much you mean to me. and you don't even know. well, see you on monday love. goodnight/morning. and also bnjmadden my love.
sairah.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
{ who's in charge. }
Goodmidnight creatures loved by Allah s.w.t. Peace be upon all. ok first of all i just wanted to see the difference in me from 2007 to 2012. hahaha i can literally laugh at my own face. but hey, at least i did change, and i'm guessing for the better. just look at that left picture, still with that good ol' piercing and that whole which apparently still hasn't closed after what seems to be five years already. But Alhamdulillah i've changed for the better. oh the curly wurly hair. i do miss miss miss miss miss my curly wurly hair and the fact that it's coming back out now, i feel like chopping off my hair and letting it grow curly again. but i'm afraid of the outcome. hmm. i'll think about it this week. So in other news, today i'm happy then upset for a while then angry then happy then upset for awhile again then freaked out for a minute or two and then i went home happy as a goober. you, never fail to brighten my day. and indeed if you're down, i'll try to console you like how you would to me. and seeing you not smile makes me uneasy, like i wanna past you a note that writes in bold and big letters, "Smile, it'll make things better :) " but, well, i have my ways and you most certainly have yours and i don't know if it's just me or what, i just smelled you. like right now. that significant fragrant of your just went up my nostrils. ♥ ok sairah get real, tunay. but whatever it is, mahalkita. and something you said earlier really got me thinking and happy hehe. so my macbook crashed down on my upper lip and hit my teeth and now it's bleeding inside and swelling. what a start. it hurts.. Thank God for my offday otherwise i'd have to come to work with senget lips and not being able to smile properly. hah. ok i guess i should get some rest now so see you on the fifth day of the week love. Goodnight/morning. and goodafternoon benjimadden my love.
sairah.
Monday, February 13, 2012
{ i can tell. }
Well, i guess having you as a friend, keeping you close, is better than losing you. To nothing. am i right? Goodnight love. and Bnjmdn, Goodmorning ♥
sairah.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
{ CLICHE. TOTALLY. }
WHO AM I KIDDING? I'M HAPPY IF YOU'RE HAPPY?
FUCK IT.YOU THINK I'M HAPPY KNOWING THAT
YOU CAN NEVER BE MINE?
YES I'M HAPPY EVERY TIME I SEE YOU BUT
THE FACT THAT YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO BE MINE,
IT HURTS.
TO KNOW THAT YOU BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE,
IT FUCKING HURTS. THE HEART, MY HEART, ACHES.
IT PAINS.IT HURTS. IT DOES. BUT IT DOESN'T
CHANGE MY FEELINGS FOR YOU.
GOD, HELP. GOODNIGHT. GOODNIGHT, LOVE.
sairah.
Friday, February 10, 2012
{ one hundred and ninety. }
Peace be upon all. right now, i'm relieved. i'm free. it wasn't as if i wasn't previously but now, i feel like God has removed this huge obstacle that's been sticking to my chest for a very, very, very long time. and now, i can breathe right again. only thing that keeps me wondering is why He kept you in it. i thank God, today, for sending someone like you into my life. i know you belong to someone else but, if you're happy, then i'm happy. and i'm not saying this as a bullshit cliche insincere catch phrase that people will say, i'm saying this with sincerity, whole-hearted sincerity. because when i see you happy, i'm happy. to be honest, every time i see you, i'm happy. i don't need anyone else. i don't. just you. and i know it'll never happen between us but i just like things the way they are. thank you for everything you've done for me, with me. for all the times you stood by me and cared. and even if it was harsh, you still did care. for my own good. for the times i broke down and you were there to say "i don't like to see girls cry. it pisses me off." for the times you try to get things you know you'll never get from me [you know what i mean ^^]. for all the constant nicknames you call me and every time you call me that, my heart jumps a little. and for every little other thing that i will distinctly remember. all i can say is, InsyaAllah, one day i will find my own you. so i'll see you in a few hours. goodnight/morning love. and benji madden.
sairah.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
{ what i really am. }
Sometimes i wish i can just go back to yesteryear and remove any existent feelings of mine towards you. remove every memory i have of you. wherever, whenever, whatever. it just sucks to know that i have to live everyday of this life knowing that i did have this not really teeny weeny crush on you. maybe even more than a crush. because from this day on, i, really let go. i have stopped trying. caring. believing. because it will never happen. for sure, i know. no chemistry. no interest shown. so why do i bother wasting my time over you? why should i care about everything you do, when you do it, what you're doing, when you don't even know more than my last name, to say the least. i'm just wasting space and time for someone who doesn't give one shit or less. i believe, InsyaAllah, i deserve much better than you. so yes. hopefully from now on we can start off as just mere friends. just, friends. that is all.Ok so peace be upon all still breathing and not sleeping yet. i am going to anytime soon.and i should start being happy. for myself. yes, i choose to be selfish now. i want to please myself. before trying to please others. InsyaAllah i'll be less self-sufficient to actually make others happy though i'm not. God's will. i don't know. i don't know what i'm feeling right now. i can't believe i liked you that much. to the extent of.. well forget it. it's all behind me now. now only one thing is on my mind. benjamin madden. hehe. and wow it actually has been days since i last saw my dad cause every time i come home from work he'll already be asleep and when i wake up for work he's already gone. So Alhamdulillah i get to see him today thanks 518 for not cheating my feelings today. in fact, i got home early today. earlier than the train would've took me. i have so much to say [as always] but i don't know how to write it out. and really, i haven't got you out of my mind. this is not the same you as mentioned. this is you. gerbil named. hehe. see you tomorrow or rather in a few hours. i shall stop feeling too much for you this time. but it's a bit difficult but i'll try my best. or maybe you're meant to stay. hmm. well, i shall end here for now. Good morning benjamin madden my love and early morning mgds.
sairah.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
{ in bloom. }
Good 2.36am morning to everyone and peace be upon all and i really am tired and drained out but i just feel like typing so yes and really you 518 bus you cheat my feelings and made me wait 40 minutes for the bus and then made me fall asleep in the cold air condition and then you made me miss my bustop and made me walk 50 blocks home despite the fact that my legs ache like knnbccb i'm so sorry but yes it hurts so bad and then you little baby lizard scared me right at my doorstep scurrying off in front of me and then you uvular thanks for making me gag so much like i was down for a deepthroat or something just for brushing my tongue anyone has better ideas on how to brush thy tongue without gagging so much because i'd really need it and where are you can you come back as soon as possible and can possible be tomorrow gosh i'm really ranting it all out huh i really need to get this off my chest and i need to stop eating that chocolate pudding at night and k akka congratulations i'm so darn happy for you InsyaAllah these months to go will go smoothly for you and to everything else praise be to God and thank you for still keeping me alive and breathing and healthy and keeping my family safe from harm and influences of the syaitan and i really need to sleep but i really can't but i really need to and it's funny how we talk like we've known each other for years online but when we see each other we smile and walk away it's just so funny and have you realized i typed everything under three minutes and without a fullstop yes weehoo to me and i jsut gagg-ed again thinking about brushing the tongue oh God help me with this issue i'm having ok i guess i've ranted enough and i'll try to write something much more sensible the next time i'm here and i'm craving for so much food right now thanks to da ge and his tagging of food pictures ok mother's at the doorstep now so i shall pretend to sleep so good morning benji madden you know i love and goodnight mgds.
will there ever be a day when i can say"goodnight gmona, i miss/need/want/love you."without hiding?
sairah.
Monday, February 6, 2012
{ hoy ti amero. }
Good petang creatures/ humans/ life forms. Split shift is getting on my nerves because i cannot seem to put myself to sleep for more than an hour. after an hour and that's it. it's not enough. Darn it. on a brighter note, i've finally finished my novel on dave grohl's life. and it was awesome. planning to read it again and fully understand everything. and seriously doodling is catching up on me. i'm on the second page already darn it. and i've listened to the whole nevermind album. come as you are is by far my favorite though smells like teen spirit will forever be number one. so i'll be going off for a shower and early dinner with hebe who's still sleeping behind me. heh. oh. mani is going off for three weeks damn that's long but he promised to keep his ever gorgeous beard weehoo. ok ok i said i'll come back with a composition but not today. tomorrow i promise.
p.s. omgaine what Kurt cobain would've accomplished if he did not kill himself. :'(
sairah.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
{ thevai illai. }
I have so much to say but i'm too darn tired to write everything out so i'll just cut it short. Goodmidnight creatures and humans of Allah s.w.t. Peace be upon all. Today is maulidur rasul 1433h. I hope my mind is set straight enough to actually go for maulud. InsyaAllah. otherwise i'll be spending my offday cleaning up my room and ze house. and really, so much to say but i'm too lazy. so, i miss school. i miss art. i'm doodling my novel. the whole book. i'm tired and working afternoon shifts the whole of next week. and i miss mgds. he's gone yet again. and i really think i slimmed down. look at that fat face up there. ok dah. hands getting tired already. i mean fingers. ok i shall sleep. Goodafternoon benjimadden. and Goodmidnight mgds. <3
I have so much to say but i'm too darn tired to write everything out so i'll just cut it short. Goodmidnight creatures and humans of Allah s.w.t. Peace be upon all. Today is maulidur rasul 1433h. I hope my mind is set straight enough to actually go for maulud. InsyaAllah. otherwise i'll be spending my offday cleaning up my room and ze house. and really, so much to say but i'm too lazy. so, i miss school. i miss art. i'm doodling my novel. the whole book. i'm tired and working afternoon shifts the whole of next week. and i miss mgds. he's gone yet again. and i really think i slimmed down. look at that fat face up there. ok dah. hands getting tired already. i mean fingers. ok i shall sleep. Goodafternoon benjimadden. and Goodmidnight mgds. <3
sairah
p.s. next post, i will write a long composition for anyone who bothers to read. and really, m is not what you think it means and who you think it refers to. only jvlkshmy knws. ok dah.
Friday, February 3, 2012
{ neram illai. }
Good midnight wonderful, beautiful & nocturnal creatures of Allah s.w.t. Peace be upon all. Mr rbn rj is back and well and i'm happy for him cause now he is back to his old self. everyone else is happy and good and healthy so praise be to God. I'm kinda happy. i think. because like Mr. nshn said, when you think you're happy, don't be too happy. because there's a limit to happiness. sometimes, things just go wrong at any particular time. so treasure every moment while it lasts. and for now, i'm trying to normalize you as day goes by. treat you like you're just another one of them. it's very difficult for me but i'll keep trying. InsyaAllah i'll make it through. and if i don't, it means you're staying for a reason. a reason i will find out. i will eventually find out. soon. maybe it's infatuation. maybe it's for real. but for now, i know that you mean more to me than just another one of them. much, much more. i cannot tell you that. it frustrates the shit out of me that i always have to keep these things to myself and only a few alibis know about it. because, in life, you're free to express yourself whenever and however you want to. but i can't. i just can't. but you're still top of my list and you have to know that. no matter how many fingers you count and point to me, you're still top of the list. okay? so i'll see you tomorrow for a few hours. that's all i need. and i am hooked to vettai/nanben songs. darn you yuvan and harris. why you make such good songs? hehe. Oh, oh, oh, royal rumble is out and i need my reds and blues a-sap. Good morning benji madden my love. And goodnight mdsg.
sairah.