gramarye corazon//

Tuesday, January 31, 2012 { all is. well is. all. }

Goodmidnight all beings of human and creatured forms. Peace be upon all. So i'm happy and woke up to a surprising phonecall but i'm happy. Alhamdulillah. back. back. sooner than i thought but back. so i'm happy. enlightened. InsyaAllah my day tomorrow is a good day. good day. InsyaAllah. finally watched nanben. like finally. it was good. 3 idiots was better but it was good. nice songs, good acting, great characters. so yeas. and i'm feeling the monday blues with blue background and my blue strokes t shirt. 's been so long since i've worn it. and apparently now it's a little loose. Did i really lose weight? Did i? cause i do see a difference in myself these past days but i can't seem to make out what exactly it is. So maybe i did lose weight. Alhamdulillah syukur. hopefully more kilos to be shredded in time to come. and i can finally, after years of not knowing it actually exists in me, i can feel my collarbone yippeeee! hehe. ok so God bless all still alive and breathing and goodnight all. and mgds. i've missed you so much and things just don't seem to go the right way when you're not here. so i'm happy now. and Good morning/ afternoon benji my love.

sairah.

Saturday, January 28, 2012 { where i have been. }

Goodmidnight all. i'm happy today. really. though it was'nt so fun as i expected it to be, but i'm happy. finally the day came. But i shouldn't have brought him sheesha-ing. i should've known better. i hope he doesn't think i'm boring. because frankly, he was kinda quiet and i didn't know what to talk about. but i'm just contented enough to know that we did. alas. hopefully there's a 2nd time. InsyaAllah. if it's meant to be then it will happen again. and tomorrow will go watch nanben with jvlskhmy if it works out. so three more days. three more freaken days. i can do this. i can. just, i don't know. it's just different without you around you know. even people have start questioning my change of moods at work because you're not there. i miss you. a lot. days, past by faster please. and yes, i finally changed out of the baju kurung-ed uniform to the new one. people say i look way taller than before. hehe. and sexy. and slim. woopwoop. well, let's just enjoy each day as it passes by. and bumped into my lasallle lecturer angela. so nice that she still recognizes me. i miss drawing, painting, doodling, scribbling. everything. i need time. all on my own. i want to be selfish for once. please. Goodnight mgds. and Goodmorning bnjmadden. love you.

sairah.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012 { ARYA. }

I'M BETTER. BETTER. ALHAMDULILLAH, SYUKUR. JUST, I MISS MGNDS. ALOT. FIVE DAYS MARKED OFF AND A WEEK MORE TO GO. AND I WANT TO WATCH NANBEN ON THURSDAY. HOPEFULLY THERE IS MIDNIGHT SHOW. PLEASE. AND I'LL BE HAPPY AGAIN. I WILL. INSYAALLAH. I'M SO TIRED AND I NEED MY OFFDAY ASAP. ONE DAY IS JUST NOT ENOUGH BUT I'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH IT. GOD IS FAIR AND ALMIGHTY. SO, HSKPNG AUNTY SAID I LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT WHICH SEEMS A LITTLE SURREAL BECAUSE I DIDN'T. HAHA. BUT MAYBE I DID. HOPE TO GET MY NEW UNIFORM ASAP. AND HOPEFULLY IT FITS NICELY. NO MORE SHORT PATNS AND TOO LOOSE BLOUSES. OK SO I'LL END HERE AND GET WELL SOON MR RBN RJ. SO POOR THING HAVE TO COME TO WORK STILL WHEN YOU'RE SICK. SMILE, MR RJ, SMILE. IT'LL MAKE THINGS BETTER. WELL, GOODNIGHT MGNDS. AND GOOD MORNING BENJI MADDEN.

sairah.

Monday, January 23, 2012 { kid. }

I'MSOHURTANDCONFUSEDANDUPSETANDDISAPPOINTEDANDJUST,HURT.THEPAININMYHEART

ONLYGODTHEALMIGHTYKNOWS.IDON'TEVENKNOWHOWTOFEELORTHINKORSAYORDORIGHTNOW.

ALLIKNOWISTHATEVERYTIMEYOU'RENOTHERE,SOMETHINGUNGOODHAPPENSANDYOU'REJUST,

NOTTHERETOMAKEMEFEELBETTERLIKEYOUALWAYSDO.NOONECANMAKEMEFEELBETTERRIGHTNOW.

NOTEVENBENJIMADDENMYLOVE.NO.YOUKINDAWENTTOOFARTHISTIME.EVENIFIT'STRUE,ITHURTS.IT

DOES.WHEREAREYOUMGNDHS?WHEREAREYOUWHENINEEDYOUTHEMOST?I'MREALLY,REALLYHURTRIGHTNOW.H U R T.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012 { still on my lonely mind. }

Hello. i'm back. and better. and i vow to myself to be punctual. Starting from the eighteenth of the first month of the new year. it's a new start for me. it's time. to change. and stop eating so much. well, maybe that is another whole issue. Since housekeeping aunty and brandy said i lost weight so i'm a little happy about that wehhee. you know i cannot stand not talking to you under any circumstances at all. i mean, it will mean nothing for me to come to thy place if you are just there to make me feel like shit. and i don't want the ninety percent. ten percent is even too much for me to handle. and to think that all that the thirteenth alphabet is actually meant for you, not you. people just get it wrong huh. and to mr g.c, you make sure you keep it to yourself or i'm gonna be dead meat. haha. so, i'm not sure when i will change out of the baju kurung-ed uniform but soon, perhaps. and the fuck i have to make new name tag because i misplaced the one m. made for me. ergh. there goes my twelve bucks. but it's ok. shit happens i guess. and health check up tomorrow; feels like school all over again. and to be honest, i really miss lasalle. and its people, and its environment and everything else. it's just too damn bad i can't continue on to pursue my lifelong passion in art there. But God's will, something better will come my way, God's will. spending my past days with sarah.y and boy am i getting fat around her. eating here and there and everywhere. hahahaa. but it's all good. we're happy girls. no, let me correct that. we're happy working class women. heheh. plenty more adventures to be discovered next week with her so i have to carefully manage my next pay because the next time it comes in, it's gonna be monthly and not two weeks anymore. but it's all good. so since there's only fifteen percent left to my battery's life span and the fact that it's already beaming 1.57am, i will cut off here now. so goodnight m. and good afternoon benji madden my love.

sairah.

Saturday, January 14, 2012 { yesterday. }

I'm sorry. i don't know what else i did. but i'm sorry. this sucks. it's not the same. and now i have to face the fact that i can't plan it out like i used to. according to yours. the fact that i have to face days without you. not being able to see you everyday. it sucks. a lot. i feel like i could just turn back one day, and things will definitely be different. but then again, everything happens for a reason. i really don't now what to say to you. but i really want to say something to you. it's just not the same the way you treat me. i felt like a complete pile of nothing. nothing. just, simply nothing. it hurts more than i thought it would. who am i kidding? "Oh, it's not my loss, so be it." yeah right. the way you rolled your eyes at me. directly at me. ouch. ouch. God's will things are back to normal on the 7th day. i totally do not believe in this friday the 13th shit but apparently, my friday wasn't the best. Goodnight mdhsgn. you know i love you.

sairah.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012 { dari hati. }

so close. yet so far. just, an inch. even less, perhaps. but that's all there is to it. damnyou. and you alibi.

" You don't need proof. All you need is faith. Faith, is what keeps everything going."

goodnight/morning bnjmdn/ mm.bs.

sairah.