Friday, November 11, 2011
{ Over & over & over again. }
Well. i really doubt anyone feels the way i'm feeling right now. it sucks. so fucking much. in fact, i don't even know how i'm supposed to feel. bailed out for the third time. my hopes were just ankle high because somewhere inside me i knew you were gonna bail again. but that tiny part of the heart told me, hey maybe this time it'll work out. but it didn't. for the third time. i feel, so, fucking fucked up and i think this is just the end. i'm not going to try anymore. i'm not going to hope anymore. i'll just leave it at this. i feel happy enough when i see you. and i feel sad enough when i see you. so basically i'm just, confused. perhaps this is a sign. that this, this thing right here, ends here. it won't go any further. sounding apologetic isn't enough. i just, i don't know. this really sucks. that overwhelming puncturing feeling in the heart is just not going away. and i don't know why. i'm just so disappointed right now. no, i'm way beyond disappointed. i don't know how to express the disappointment i am feeling right now. the fact that you seemed almost completely normal after this hurts me even more. i mean, you should be clever enough to know that i'm not ok and "it's ok really, no worries :] " actually isn't true at all. all i know is, for now, that's just it. i'm not gonna try anymore. if it happens, it happens. if it doesn't then it doesn't. But i still like you. so much. and i thought something was gonna happen between us. i guess i was wrong after all. well, goodnight mthn. i really, still, like you, very much. but i'm just hurt right now. very hurt. Dear God, show me signs. Amin.
And, i miss my best friend very much. i haven't seen him for almost a week. Abdul Syakur. you should know that i miss you. i have so much stories to tell you right now. so much things to pour out to you right now. but it seems like you don't have time for it and well, i'm upset. i take time to text you but you seem to have more important things to do. and the fact that i'm crying whilst typing this shit doesn't make any sense. but i really miss you. i don't know how to tell you. and you probably won't even read this but i miss you. there's no one else i can pour my heart out to. really. i really hope i can meet up with you one of these days. soon. well. peace be upon you.
see you soon kur.
sairah.